The Humour Files

  1.   !! Internet Downtime 12:01 a.m. 2/29 - 12:01 a.m. 3/1/96
  2.   "Braveheart" as sysadmin movie of the month
  3.   "Look-and-feel" Lawsuit
  4.   "SPAM KING" RECEIVES BACKBONE FUNDING FROM SCIENTOLOGY
  5.   'Microsoft 911', or 'Healthcare At Your Fingertips'
  6.   'Twas the day before Christmas
  7.   'Twas the night before start-up
  8.   ./configure: mostly harmless?
  9.   1-900-ALL-UNIX
  10.   10 Commandments of the Frisbee
  11.   10 reasons why a MAC is better than a PC
  12.   10 Reasons Why Scooby Doo was a Drug-influenced Cartoon
  13.   10 Things That Sound Dirty At The Office, But Aren't
  14.   10 Ways to Spot a CS Student
  15.   100 buckets of bits on the bus
  16.   101 EASY WAYS TO SAY NO
  17.   101 uses for AOL disks
  18.   101 Ways to be Obnoxious on Usenet
  19.   101.102934745245 USES FOR YOUR PENTIUM
  20.   11th Commandment
  21.   12 Days of Windows NT
  22.   12 reasons Star Wars is better than real life
  23.   13 misunderstandings in the history of Mathematics
  24.   148 THINGS (NOT) TO DO OR SAY AT OR FOR YOUR THESIS DEFENSE
  25.   15 SYMPTOMS OF INTERNET DEPENDANCY
  26.   16 Reasons Why God Never Received Tenure at a University
  27.   17mm format to replace 16mm format
  28.   18 rules of netiquette
  29.   20 Things that never happen in Star Trek
  30.   2001 Rereleased!
  31.   21 symptoms of getting cybernetically infected
  32.   25 Reasons why alcohol should be served at work
  33.   25 things done during AIX Preventative Maintenance
  34.   25 Ways to Cope With Stress
  35.   30 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life
  36.   30 Ways to confuse Santa
  37.   34 things I learned from video games
  38.   34 Things You Can Learn From Video Games
  39.   36 politically correct ways to say someone is stupid
  40.   40 Things leaned from watching ID4
  41.   400 trillion trillion pints of beer lost in space
  42.   46 Things that never happen in Star Trek
  43.   50 Things That Really Piss Me Off About Star Trek
  44.   50 WAYS TO CONFUSE, WORRY, OR JUST SCARE PEOPLE IN THE COMPUTER LAB
  45.   63 Ways To Annoy Baby Boomers
  46.   7 states pass ``Wealthy Defendant Evidence Act''
  47.   84 Things a SysAdmin should never say...
  48.   99 Ways of Knowing Your a Computer Scientist
  49.   :PDUMP
  50.   Vague, the Magazine that Defines the 90's
  51.   #include <std.disclaimer>
  52.   alt.conspiracy.police-state
  53.   better !pout !cry
  54.   better /nopout /nocry
  55.   C-
  56.   comp.os.msdos.wizardsFAQ
  57.   DOGO
  58.   DRAIN.EXE
  59.   LAIDBACK
  60.   LITHP
  61.   misc.popcorn.buttered (moderated)
  62.   REAL PROGRAMMERS...
  63.   SARTRE
  64.   SHUTDOWN.COMprocedures
  65.   SIMPLE
  66.   SLOBOL
  67.   `You are old,' said the youth
  68.   A 300 level computer science class
  69.   Averynoisy party
  70.   A bad .sig day
  71.   A Beautiful obsession with the binary world
  72.   A Better Model
  73.   A Bill Gates Christmas
  74.   A BOLD NEW PROPOSAL FOR MATCHING HIGH-TECHNOLOGY PEOPLE AND PROFESSIONS
  75.   A Brief History of Computing
  76.   A Bug?
  77.   A Call for More Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels
  78.   A comment on schedules
  79.   A computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer
  80.   A Computer Song
  81.   A Consumer Reports special: Girlfriends
  82.   A Customer calls
  83.   A Day in the Life of MicroSquish® Org
  84.   A Digital Marketing Manager
  85.   A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist
  86.   A Dozen
  87.   A Dumb-Mathetician Joke
  88.   A famous Lisp Hacker
  89.   A Few Really Neat Things to do to New CMS Users that Will Cause Them to Have a Lousy Day
  90.   A fine place to work
  91.   A Gal's Guide to Geek Guys
  92.   A Girl's Guide To Condoms
  93.   A grad-student emotion check-list
  94.   A GRANDCHILD'S GUIDE TO USING GRANDPA'S COMPUTER
  95.   A Guide To Software Revisions
  96.   A guide to understanding Usenet help-wanted ads
  97.   A hardware problem
  98.   A Historical Perspective On The Usage Of IP Version 9
  99.   A host is a host
  100.   A is for APPLE
  101.   A Joke
  102.   A Journalists Guide to Writing About the Internet
  103.   A letter to Microsoft
  104.   A long time ago...
  105.   A Lot of Output
  106.   A major corporation bought a Cray
  107.   A manager was about to be fired
  108.   A math/computer science convention
  109.   A Micro$oft Christmas
  110.   A Modern Teenage Cyberpunk
  111.   A monitor system named DOS
  112.   A Morning with Windows 95 support
  113.   A New Learning Aid!
  114.   A new ratings system -- announcing RATSYS!
  115.   A newsgroup callednews.admin
  116.   A Possible Future History of Intel® Pentium® Microprocessors
  117.   A PROBLEM IN THE MAKING
  118.   A PROBLEM SOLVING FLOWCHART
  119.   A Programmer and an Engineer Play Game
  120.   A Programming Language (APL)
  121.   A SAD STORY
  122.   A Scud It's Not, But the Trebuchet Hurls a Mean Piano
  123.   A Senior Software Engineer; to 32K
  124.   A short tale
  125.   A song for UseNet
  126.   A Space Alien's Datebook
  127.   A special kind of "DELETE" key
  128.   A Standard Disclaimer
  129.   A Standard for the Transmission of IP Datagrams on Avian Carriers
  130.   A Time for DWIM
  131.   A Troubled Childhood
  132.   A Typical Day at Macrosoft
  133.   A very intelligent turtle
  134.   A VIEW FROM THE 21ST CENTURY
  135.   A Visit From a Silicon Imposter
  136.   A Week in the Life of the Notes Support Person from Hell
  137.   A Windows programmer's story
  138.   A woman approached the Pearly Gates
  139.   A Year 2000 Parable
  140.   Abbot and Costello Meet Windows 95
  141.   Abort, Retry, Ignore
  142.   Absurd Writing award
  143.   Academic Programmers -- A Spotter's Guide
  144.   Achtung!
  145.   ACHTUNG! - ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS
  146.   ACLU Announces Lawsuit against Santa Claus
  147.   ACME PHYSICS SUPPLY SHOPPE
  148.   Acorn announce wristwatch computer
  149.   Act Sirius 1
  150.   ADDENDUM to the Spring 1991 University Catalog
  151.   Addicted to the 'Net
  152.   Addicted To Vi
  153.   Addition to Devil's DP Dictionary
  154.   Administratium
  155.   ADMINSPOTTING
  156.   Admission Essay
  157.   Advice on password security guidelines
  158.   Against the Odds
  159.   AGREEMENT AND LIMITED WARRANTY
  160.   AI Koans
  161.   AIR FORCE DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH
  162.   Airplanes That Run On Operating Systems, Not Jet Fuel
  163.   AIs on the Internet
  164.   Alcohol Users' Troubleshooting Guide
  165.   Algol-88
  166.   Algorhyme
  167.   ALICE in DIGITALand
  168.   Alice in Unix Land
  169.   Alice's NNTP Server
  170.   Alice's PDP-10
  171.   ALIENS ARE INVADING IRCls!
  172.   Aliens Invade Alaskan Town
  173.   All about Pasta Code
  174.   All I Really Need to Know, I Learned on the Internet
  175.   All Purpose Joke
  176.   All the world's a VAX
  177.   All-Purpose METRIC Conversion Table
  178.   Alphabetical Order
  179.   alt.Gilligan's.theme.redone.revamped.aan3v-ed
  180.   alt.sysadmin.recovery draft faq
  181.   Alt.sysadmin.recovery mini-FAQ
  182.   Alternatives to OSI
  183.   America Offline
  184.   America Online Offline
  185.   America's Finest Computer Journal to Fall
  186.   Americans On Time Lag
  187.   An analysis of Windows NT in terms of design elegance
  188.   An ancient method for assuring software quality
  189.   An AOL Session of the Future
  190.   An Australian Lament
  191.   AN ELECTRONIC CHRISTMAS/CHANUKAH CARD TO ALL
  192.   An end to the public domain status of the `bit'®?
  193.   An Engineer in Hell
  194.   An engineer, a physicist and a business major
  195.   An enthusiastic Blue Cross computer
  196.   An Eschatological Laundry List
  197.   An HP Marketing Manager got married
  198.   An IBM USER
  199.   An Insecure Terminal
  200.   An Ode to Windoze 95
  201.   An On-Line Interview with a PSUVMer
  202.   An Owed to the Spelling Checker
  203.   Analogy
  204.   Ancient Tech Support
  205.   Announce *SLTP*.
  206.   ANNOUNCE: Microsoft WinEDLIN®
  207.   Announcement from Microsoft
  208.   ANNOUNCEMENT: New IF Hardware: Z-Code Execution Machine
  209.   Announcing Badnews ®: a realistic approach to Usenet
  210.   Announcing ccompress (context compress) v1.0 beta
  211.   Announcing GNU-Script
  212.   Announcing WSGopher 6.0
  213.   Announcing X13 Release 2
  214.   Anonymous Workaholic Diary
  215.   Another comp.newprod reject?
  216.   Another Glitch in the Call
  217.   Another Microsoft acquisition
  218.   Answers heard at Usenix
  219.   Anti-Microsoft joke
  220.   Anybody know of any Linux hate groups/pages
  221.   AOL Angel
  222.   AOL's latest & greatest
  223.   Apollo 460
  224.   Apparently-From: sagan@AOL.sol.mwy
  225.   Apple Corporation Sues Itself
  226.   Apple Eliminates Keyboard
  227.   Apple legitimised computers
  228.   Apple Releases Jewish System Software v1.0
  229.   Apple to do deal with Vendepac
  230.   Apple/IBM
  231.   APPLICATION TO HAVE A FILE RESTORED
  232.   April 1 Official Press Release
  233.   April 1992 File Upload List CUTESISIG
  234.   April 1st
  235.   April Fools called off!
  236.   Archaeological Excavation
  237.   Are You A Computer Geek?
  238.   Are You A Latent Computer Geek?
  239.   Are You A Techno-Dweeb?
  240.   ARE YOU A TWIT?
  241.   Are You An Internet Addict ?
  242.   Are you an Internet nerd?
  243.   Are You Computer Incompetent
  244.   Are you still a computer geek?
  245.   Are You Taking Computers too Seriously ???
  246.   Are you Terrified of your Computer?
  247.   ARM Ltd. plans 64 bit asynchronous data-flow processor
  248.   ARPAWOCKY
  249.   ARSCC changes a light bulb
  250.   As I was passing Project MAC
  251.   Ask Dr. Internet
  252.   Ask Dr. Internet II
  253.   Ask Dr. Internet III
  254.   Assumed Decimal Point
  255.   Asteroids
  256.   Astrology
  257.   At the computer store
  258.   at the i/o window
  259.   AT&T Customer Service Memorandum
  260.   Atomic Theory
  261.   ATTENTION
  262.   Attorneys in an Elevator
  263.   Audit of Tech Support Logs
  264.   Aura photograph technique restores damaged CD's
  265.   Autodesk
  266.   AUTOMATION IN THE 20th CENTURY
  267.   Automobile Tool Guide
  268.   Automotive Tools...
  269.   B1FF answers a survey
  270.   Babbage -- the Language of the Future
  271.   Babbage Difference Engine on Internet
  272.   Babbage Numerator
  273.   Babbage Sues Computer Industry!
  274.   Baby Gates
  275.   BABY(1)
  276.   Bachelor in Applied Science
  277.   Bacon, Roger
  278.   Bad AOL, Bad, Bad AOL
  279.   Bad Signs of Geek-dom
  280.   Badly Fragmented Linux Journal
  281.   Ban Sought on Sale of Windows 95
  282.   Bankruptcy Threatens Computer and Net Usage
  283.   Bar Trek Rules (Old Generation)
  284.   Barbie Geeks Out
  285.   BARBIE RITES L1KE BIFF!!!
  286.   BASATARD USER FROM HELL #11
  287.   BASIC
  288.   BASIC RULES FOR CATS WHO HAVE A HOUSE TO RUN
  289.   Bastard Help line from Hell
  290.   BASTARD PROGRAMMER FROM HELL QUALIFICATIONS
  291.   BASTARD USER FROM HELL #10
  292.   BASTARD USER FROM HELL #5
  293.   BASTARD USER FROM HELL #6
  294.   BASTARD USER FROM HELL #9
  295.   BATARD USER FROM HELL #7
  296.   Batch Processing
  297.   BBN Superlisp
  298.   Beatles Gates
  299.   Beer is good for you
  300.   Beer Pray
  301.   BEER vs. CUCUMBERS!
  302.   Before IBM
  303.   BEFUDDLED PC USERS
  304.   Befuddled PC Users Flood Help Lines And No Question Seems To Be Too Basic
  305.   Beifeld's Principle
  306.   Ben-Hertz
  307.   Berkeley 4.3
  308.   Berkeley California
  309.   Bertrand Russell
  310.   Best Viewed Using Netscape
  311.   Better bang for the buck than SUN
  312.   Beware Of Emacs
  313.   Beyond Ada: The First Paranoid Programming Language
  314.   Big brother is here with you
  315.   BIG PROPRIETY COMPANY
  316.   Bill and Barney's Great Adventure
  317.   Bill and God
  318.   Bill and the Guys on Communication
  319.   Bill elected president
  320.   Bill Gates
  321.   Bill Gates and RTM, Jr.
  322.   Bill Gates and the Seahawks
  323.   Bill Gates as UW Pres
  324.   Bill Gates Buys 1995
  325.   Bill Gates calls the Belgian Police (Original)
  326.   Bill Gates Credit Card Application
  327.   Bill Gates Died!
  328.   Bill Gates dies and goes to Heaven etc
  329.   Bill Gates dies...
  330.   Bill Gates enters Heaven
  331.   Bill Gates Goes to Heaven
  332.   Bill Gates is in fact a beast
  333.   Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant
  334.   Bill Gates Microsoft Windows 95 infomercial drinking game Beta version
  335.   BILL GATES NOMINATED FOR 1995 NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
  336.   Bill Gates of Heaven
  337.   Bill Gates Patents One and Zero
  338.   Bill Gates quotes
  339.   Bill Gates Rescues Internet Humor
  340.   Bill Gates Running for President
  341.   Bill Gates to Get Half
  342.   Bill Gates' Baby
  343.   Bill Gates' Credit Card Application
  344.   Bill Gates' First Night
  345.   Bill Gates' Gov't Appointment
  346.   Bill Gates' tech support
  347.   Bill Gates' traffic ticket
  348.   Bill goes to Heaven
  349.   Bill, Bill & Boris (meet God)
  350.   Billgates Creditcard
  351.   Billie Boy
  352.   BILLY GATES' LETTER TO SANTA
  353.   Bit
  354.   Blakes 7 - some classic quotes
  355.   Blame it on the computer
  356.   Blame it on the computer: lost homework!
  357.   Blinkenlights
  358.   Bloatware '97
  359.   Bloaty inefficient software
  360.   Blue Screen Song
  361.   Bob the Windows Man
  362.   Bob-bob-a-looh-bah
  363.   Bob: Bill G's gift to computer humor
  364.   Boeing better than Star Trek?
  365.   BOFH sing-along
  366.   Bogus science in YOUR COMPUTER'S PROCESSOR!
  367.   Bohemian Rhapsody (Object Oriented)
  368.   BOOK®
  369.   BOOLEAN LOGIC
  370.   Booleint
  371.   Boot It
  372.   BOOTS LIKE REDMOND SPIRIT
  373.   Borg Barbie
  374.   Borg Taglines List
  375.   Both Ways, Now
  376.   Boyle's Laws
  377.   Branch
  378.   Brand new network
  379.   Breaking Microsoft News
  380.   Brief History of Time
  381.   Bringing MS/DOS To The 90's, Quickly
  382.   Bruce's Philosophers Drinking Song
  383.   Bryan Adams Goes MLM
  384.   BSD Unix
  385.   Bubble Memory
  386.   Budget Correspondence for The Creation
  387.   Buffer
  388.   Bug-OZ
  389.   Bugs
  390.   BUGS IN NATURE
  391.   Bunsen Burner
  392.   Burnout Prevention and Recovery
  393.   Bustlin' Billy's Bogus Beliefs
  394.   But It Might Steal The Cat...
  395.   Butyl
  396.   Buzzword
  397.   BUZZWORDS FOR MANAGERS
  398.   C
  399.   C Beautification
  400.   C+- (pronounced ``C more or less'')
  401.   C--
  402.   Cable TV network devoted entirely to the computer industry
  403.   Cache
  404.   Caffeine Addict's Quiz - Test Yourself
  405.   Caffeine at Microsoft
  406.   Caffeine Manager
  407.   CAFFIENATED SOFT DRINKS: The State of the Art
  408.   CAI
  409.   Californian Temporal Discontinuities (CTD's)
  410.   Calorie and nutritive content of foods
  411.   CalTech Large Drum
  412.   Can you operate it, Spock?
  413.   Can you throttle lusers?
  414.   Can't Parse This
  415.   Canonical list of operating systems that suck
  416.   Canonical List of Uses for America On-Line's Free Diskettes
  417.   Canter & Siegel meet the Swedish Chef
  418.   Captain Hawley, Starship Captain vs. THE MALLS
  419.   Captain Kirk and the Mos Eisley Cantina
  420.   Captain Picard Encounters the Borg
  421.   Career Selection Chart
  422.   Cars for the Information Highway
  423.   Cartoon Law of Physics
  424.   Cat Bathing As A Martial Art
  425.   Caveman's Plea for Help
  426.   Cavendish
  427.   CERT Advisory CA-96.13 - Alien/OS Vulnerability
  428.   CERT announces new generation of viruses
  429.   Chain letters - how to freeze up the Internet
  430.   Chaining
  431.   CHANGE IN TIME for PBS Nova show on Oracle!
  432.   Chaos
  433.   Character Density
  434.   Charles Babbage
  435.   Cheaper Software
  436.   Cheating in Cyberspace
  437.   Check Disclaimer for Software Purchases
  438.   Checkpoint
  439.   Chemical
  440.   Chemical Engineering
  441.   Child programming genious
  442.   CHIP
  443.   Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire
  444.   Chisholm's Third Law
  445.   Christian Deity Ontological System version 7.0 (XDOS 7.0)
  446.   Christians and Computers
  447.   Christmas FAQ
  448.   Chromatography
  449.   Chronology of events on Jupiter since its formation
  450.   CHURCH OF LINUXOLOGY TRADEMARK MISAPPROPRIATED!
  451.   Cisco Acquires Sears & Roebuck
  452.   Cisco Systems To Have City Renamed
  453.   Clarke's Law of Revolutionary Ideas
  454.   Classic ripoffs in computing
  455.   Classifications of News readers
  456.   Classifications of postings to various popular groups
  457.   Clinical Testing
  458.   Clinton/Yeltsin announce cryptographic pact
  459.   CLIPPER for BABY MONITORS
  460.   Clocks!
  461.   coax is the IDEAL medium for digital transmission
  462.   Cobol, oh Cobol
  463.   Code Review Terminology
  464.   Coding
  465.   Cohen's Laws of Politics
  466.   Cold-hearted orb
  467.   Collection of new benchmark names
  468.   College Application Essay
  469.   College Degrees And What They Really Mean
  470.   Coma
  471.   Command Reduction of Army Personnel (C.R.A.P.)
  472.   Comment your programs
  473.   Committee Rules
  474.   Commodity brokers
  475.   Common debating fallacies
  476.   Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology
  477.   comp.std.sex
  478.   comp.upgrades
  479.   Compaq Wishes To Apologize For This Advertisement
  480.   Comparison of Etch-A-Sketch and Mac
  481.   Compendium of Ground Rules for Laboratory Workers
  482.   Complete Guide to the Parallel Interface
  483.   Complete List of Windows 95 Error Messages
  484.   Computer
  485.   Computer and Other Humour
  486.   computer architects must face the patent system
  487.   COMPUTER COMMUNICATION: DEVELOPMENT OR DISEASE?
  488.   Computer Companies
  489.   computer creation
  490.   Computer Currents, July 1993
  491.   Computer Depressive Letters
  492.   Computer engineers
  493.   Computer Folklore Update (Don't Get Left Behind!)
  494.   Computer Geek Quiz
  495.   Computer Humor
  496.   Computer Illiterates
  497.   Computer Lab
  498.   Computer Language Breakthrough
  499.   Computer Lies
  500.   Computer literacy
  501.   COMPUTER MAGAZINE
  502.   Computer Nerd Quiz
  503.   Computer Nerds Could Have Controlled Network Programming
  504.   Computer Owners
  505.   Computer Problem Self-report Form
  506.   Computer Program Virtually Eliminates Machine Errors
  507.   Computer related oxymorons
  508.   Computer Resources
  509.   Computer Room Sign
  510.   COMPUTER SCIENCE 309
  511.   Computer Science Student
  512.   Computer Science Young Ones
  513.   COMPUTER SCIENTIST: A chemical analysis
  514.   Computer Sex
  515.   Computer Shopper
  516.   Computer Systems News
  517.   Computer Terminology
  518.   Computer triads
  519.   Computer truths
  520.   Computer Wonderland
  521.   computer-science.text
  522.   Computerized Translation Strikes Again
  523.   COMPUTERS & ELECTRONICS: As depicted in movies, naturally
  524.   Computers and Electronics as Depicted in Movies
  525.   computers and gender
  526.   Computers and the military
  527.   COMPUTERS CONSUME HACKERS
  528.   Computers for ART majors
  529.   Computers Made Stupid
  530.   ComputerVision: The Cable Channel For Your PC
  531.   Computo, ergo sum
  532.   CONDOM
  533.   Congress to abolish the FCC - 9590
  534.   Connector Conspiracy
  535.   Construction Project: Atom Bomb
  536.   Consulting
  537.   Contract Programmers - Our Lesser Hidden Shame
  538.   Control Character
  539.   Conversation Between Bill and Satan
  540.   Conversation with a prospective spammer
  541.   Convertable Mouse
  542.   Cookie
  543.   Corcoroni's Laws of Bus Transportation
  544.   Core Dumped Blues
  545.   Core files
  546.   Cornell Information Technologies
  547.   CORPORATE DIRECTIVE NUMBER 88-570471
  548.   Corporate Zodiac
  549.   CoS to sue Usenet Oracle for libel of Hubbard's SF
  550.   Costello calls Abbott with some questions about UNIX
  551.   Courses For Men
  552.   Coyote sues Acme Co.
  553.   Cracking RSA
  554.   Crank Unified Theories: The CUTting edge of Fuzzy Science
  555.   Crapd: The Crap Detector
  556.   Crash
  557.   CRASH! goes the System
  558.   Cray Cooling Fluid
  559.   Cray-7 User's Guide (July 30, 1996)
  560.   Creation
  561.   CREATION JOB
  562.   Creation Mythology 201
  563.   Creative writing project
  564.   CREATIVITY PERMIT 001
  565.   Creators Admit Unix and C a Hoax
  566.   Cringely
  567.   Cross Product Namer
  568.   crystal ball interface
  569.   Cs-toaster-humour
  570.   CS100 class
  571.   CS26 nightmare, or, C is evil
  572.   CSS, HTML 4.0
  573.   CTLUSER
  574.   CUCUMBERS ARE BETTER THAN MEN BECAUSE
  575.   CUISINENET
  576.   CultMaster Software
  577.   CultMaster: Complete Anti-Cult Software
  578.   Cultural Awareness 101
  579.   Cursor Stops Here
  580.   Customer Support - The 9 Types of Supporters
  581.   Cyberpasse Manifesto
  582.   Cyberpunk parody
  583.   Cybersex
  584.   Cyberwocky
  585.   Cycles For Nothing
  586.   DANGEROUS VIRUS
  587.   Darth Apple
  588.   Data Processing
  589.   Data Structures, CS 220
  590.   David Hilbert
  591.   DAVID'S TRUTHS ABOUT WOMEN
  592.   Day in the Life of a Sysadmin
  593.   DayDoubler from Connectrix
  594.   Dealing With Telemarketers
  595.   Dealing with the equipment
  596.   Dear Abby
  597.   Dear Bill Gates
  598.   Dear earthling
  599.   Dear John Letter
  600.   Dear Susie Cobol
  601.   Death at the Hands of Microsoft Bob
  602.   Debugging
  603.   DEC Answers Leap Year Complaint
  604.   DEC Confuser News - Edition 4
  605.   DEC field service rep rap
  606.   DEC Wars!
  607.   DEC-OH!
  608.   Deciding's
  609.   Declaration of Independence
  610.   Decline and Fall of Email
  611.   Defensive Programming
  612.   Define Your Terms For Software Releases
  613.   Definition of the "Lovelace"
  614.   Definitions
  615.   Definitions of Terms Commonly Used in Higher Math
  616.   Demise of Bill Gates
  617.   Demon Seed Ain't Got Nothing on These Boys
  618.   Demonstrating the misuse of a computer based thesaurus
  619.   Dennis's Principles of Management by Crisis
  620.   Department of Justice drops suit against Microsoft
  621.   Designers of the human body
  622.   Destroy an IBM PC
  623.   DETERIORATA
  624.   Dhawan's Laws for the Non-Smoker
  625.   Diary of a computer Nutter
  626.   Diary of an AOL User
  627.   Dictionary of Computer Error Messages
  628.   Dictionary of Overextended Basic
  629.   Differences between Kernighan, Ritchie and Thompson
  630.   DIFFERENT WAYS OF TAKING CARE OF YOUR DISKS
  631.   Digital Equipment Company
  632.   DIGITAL SELLS ITS EMPLOYEES
  633.   Digital's hip to the standards thing
  634.   Dirksen's Three Laws of Politics
  635.   Dirty Internet Sketch
  636.   Disclaimer
  637.   Disclaimer to be used when purchasing software
  638.   DISK PACK
  639.   Diskette
  640.   DisneyWorld
  641.   DL-232 -- A New Standard
  642.   Do not allow this language
  643.   Do the Bill Man
  644.   Do You Have A Restless Urge To Program?
  645.   Do you want a computer to feel your pain?
  646.   DO, A LOOP
  647.   Documentation
  648.   Documentation Sex Quiz
  649.   Documentation: an alternative
  650.   DoD Abandons Ada
  651.   Does it have flim-flam flip-flops?
  652.   Does microsoft have a sense of humor?
  653.   Does Whoever Dies With The Most Toys Win?
  654.   Doesn't Amiga make a toaster?
  655.   Dogs and Computers: Same or Different?
  656.   Dogs Don't Use PC's because:
  657.   Doing It
  658.   Don't Call From Home
  659.   Don't forget to log out!
  660.   Don't Have a Conniption
  661.   Doom Excuses
  662.   Dorkie Web Site Design
  663.   DOS 10 Commandments
  664.   DOS for Dummies
  665.   DOS Nursery Rhymes
  666.   DOS RULES!
  667.   Dos Top10
  668.   Dosfish
  669.   Double Bucky
  670.   Doubts
  671.   Douglas Adams on Windows '95
  672.   Down in Flames
  673.   DP Man
  674.   Dr. Suess Writes for Star Trek TNG
  675.   Dragnet
  676.   dream
  677.   Dream Team
  678.   Dream Turns to Nightmare
  679.   Drinkers Fault Finding Guide
  680.   Drug dealers v. Software developers
  681.   Drunk Trek Rules: Version 4.1
  682.   DUMB MEN JOKES, STRANGE BUT TRUE....
  683.   Dust was the color of the sky
  684.   Dynamic Deity Management Ltd.
  685.   East Coast/West Coast
  686.   Economies of scale
  687.   ED Philosophy
  688.   Edgar Allan Poe as sysadmin
  689.   EE Ten Commandments
  690.   Effective software tool
  691.   Einstein and VMS
  692.   Einstein dies and goes to heaven
  693.   Eleanor Rigby
  694.   Electronic grains
  695.   Elephants
  696.   Emacs 19.28
  697.   Emacs Wizard
  698.   Email Headers
  699.   Emily Postnews explains how to spam the net
  700.   EMILY POSTNEWS IS DEAD - SUICIDE
  701.   Emperor's New Software Foundation
  702.   Employee Evaluation Comments and Their Translation
  703.   Emulate
  704.   Emulator
  705.   Endless Loop
  706.   Energizer Bunny Death Notice
  707.   Engineer
  708.   ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
  709.   Engineer's Approach to Problem Solving
  710.   Engineer's Logic
  711.   Engineering Pick up lines
  712.   Engineers
  713.   Engineers Explained
  714.   Engineers vs Scientists
  715.   Enhance
  716.   Enrico Fermi
  717.   Errors
  718.   Escape from jail
  719.   ESO AIMS COUPLED OPTICAL TELESCOPES AT THE MOON
  720.   Evaporation Allowance
  721.   Evelyn's Rules for Bureaucratic Survival
  722.   EVER ONWARD, IBM
  723.   Ever since I was a young boy
  724.   Every Cycle is Sacred
  725.   Every Day I Like to Write New Code
  726.   Every programmer's favorite
  727.   Everything I Need to Know, I Learned in Corporate America
  728.   Everything Zen? I don't think so
  729.   Examples of wierd, obscure, bizzare
  730.   Excerpts from "The Guide to Perverse Computing"
  731.   Exciting new recording technology
  732.   EXECUTION
  733.   EXETER UNIVERSITY PHYSICS PART I EXAM
  734.   Exhaustive Methylation
  735.   Existence of the System Administrator
  736.   Existence or non-existence of the System Administrator
  737.   Exon-Python sketch
  738.   EXPANSION
  739.   Experience
  740.   Explain this Phone Bill
  741.   Extensive choice
  742.   EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL ORIGINS OF FORMAL METHODS: THE FACTS!
  743.   EXTRACT FROM "The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Operating System"
  744.   Extract from Official Sweepstakes Rules
  745.   Facts About Men
  746.   Famous people postulate why that chicken crossed the road
  747.   FAQ: Top-level international planet domain names
  748.   Fatal Bug In X11R4 Discovered
  749.   Favorite Unix albums/songs
  750.   FCC official Craig Shergold
  751.   Feature
  752.   feature interaction
  753.   Federal Computer Communications Commission
  754.   Female Rules
  755.   Ferengi rules of acquisition
  756.   Fermat's Solved
  757.   Field Engineer Quiz
  758.   Field Guide to System Administrators
  759.   fields of study
  760.   FIFO
  761.   FIFTH
  762.   Fifty Ways to Hose Your Code
  763.   Fifty Ways to Kill an Ensign
  764.   FIG--FOURTH
  765.   FILE
  766.   Files? Nah
  767.   FINAGLE'S LAWS
  768.   Finagle's Laws of Information
  769.   Finagle's Rules
  770.   Finger
  771.   FIRMWARE
  772.   FIRST AID FOR NON-MEDICALLY MINDED PERSONS
  773.   First Annual NANA Awards Ceremony [official transcript]
  774.   First Irregular Usenet Spam Olympics
  775.   First numerical problem
  776.   First Order Reaction
  777.   First quantum parallel computer announced
  778.   Five Of The Toughest Questions Women Ask Men
  779.   Fixed Word Length
  780.   FLAME FORM
  781.   Flame Test
  782.   Flames
  783.   Flaming School
  784.   Flat tires
  785.   Flexible control
  786.   FLIP FLOP CIRCUIT
  787.   FLOPPY DISK
  788.   FLOWCHART
  789.   FLYING HEAD
  790.   FOOTOS: A Guide to Modern Operating Systems
  791.   For Sale: Win95 box dust remover
  792.   For the first bug of Christmas
  793.   FORMAL ANNOUNCEMENT OF COMPLETE DOMINION
  794.   Format
  795.   Formation of new society/discussion group
  796.   Forth
  797.   Fortis's Three Great Lies of Life
  798.   Fortran
  799.   Fortran purity test
  800.   Fossil submission
  801.   Foul Language Memo
  802.   Found floating around at CRAY Research
  803.   Found on a secret government system.
  804.   Fraud and schemes on the internet...
  805.   Frederick Brooks Jr.
  806.   French computer systems found to be immune to Y2K problems
  807.   Friend of the System
  808.   From the Book of Microsoft
  809.   FROM THE HR DESK
  810.   From The Wall Street Journal
  811.   Frying Chess Champ
  812.   FSF, Microsoft announce merger
  813.   fsh ported
  814.   Fun With Vms
  815.   Function ChooseOS$ ()
  816.   Funny Thing about Microsloth
  817.   Fusion Girl
  818.   Future computing newspaper
  819.   Future of the English Language
  820.   Gamma Alpha Lambda, the Order of the Sacred Flame
  821.   GARY LARSONIAN: Physics and Astromomy
  822.   Gates to Get Half
  823.   Gateway To Heaven
  824.   GDB sing-along (Parody to "Doe a deer")
  825.   Geek Code
  826.   Geek Speak!
  827.   Geek Theology
  828.   Geekerata
  829.   Geekonics
  830.   GENERAL
  831.   General Exam
  832.   Generation Profile
  833.   GENERIC FLAME FORM (Short Version)
  834.   Generic Sysadmin Report: Notes Outage
  835.   GENESIS
  836.   GENESIS -- Release 2.5
  837.   Genesis According To Microsoft
  838.   Genetic Engineering
  839.   Genlock
  840.   Geoff's Rules of Systems Programming
  841.   GERMAN TOWN "UNDER SIEGE" FROM RELIGIOUS SECT
  842.   Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics
  843.   Get and MBA via modem!
  844.   Get GUMMed
  845.   Get New Utilities
  846.   Getting To Know Your Computer
  847.   Gift to Info-Mac Forces Close of SUMEX-AIM Macintosh Archive
  848.   Gigabit Network Economics and Paradigm Shifts
  849.   Gigabites
  850.   Gigabytes Song
  851.   GIGO
  852.   Gil Amelio's Coming to Town!
  853.   Gilb's Laws of Unreliability
  854.   GILLETTE RESIDENT IS ARRESTED AFTER SHOOTING HIS COMPUTER
  855.   Ginsberg's Theorem (Generalized Laws of Thermodynamics)
  856.   GirlFriend 1.0
  857.   Girlfriend Software
  858.   GLITCH
  859.   GLOSSARY FOR RESEARCH PAPERS
  860.   Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
  861.   GNU Echo, Release 1
  862.   GNU GNURM
  863.   GNUsub
  864.   GO TO THE STORE
  865.   God as a Programmer
  866.   God Logs on at a Deix Workstation
  867.   God rest ye CS students now...
  868.   God speaks to Bill Gates
  869.   GOD's lawsuit
  870.   GOD'S TOTAL QUALITY MANAGEMENT QUESTIONNAIRE
  871.   GodToastersDamned
  872.   GODZILLA INVADES SAN FRANCISCO
  873.   Golden age of the Internet
  874.   Golub's Laws of Computerdom
  875.   Good advice
  876.   Good, fast, cheap
  877.   Goto
  878.   Grace Hopper
  879.   Grad Student's daily schedule.
  880.   Graditor's Laws
  881.   GRADUATE STUDENTS
  882.   Grant, Gates And Divine
  883.   Gravity
  884.   Green Card Posting Lottery 1994 May Be The Last One!
  885.   GREP
  886.   Grepping in a Unix Wonderland
  887.   Grignard
  888.   GUARANTEED NEWSGROUP REPAIR
  889.   Guide to BBS Posting
  890.   Guide to Perverse Computing v1.0
  891.   Gumperson's Law
  892.   Guru
  893.   Guy Kawasaki's Top Ten Reasons to buy Windows 95
  894.   Guyness Potential Survey
  895.   Habit
  896.   HACKADU
  897.   Hacker Syndrome Paper
  898.   Hacker Tarot Cards
  899.   Hacker's Index
  900.   HACKING HORROR STORIES
  901.   Hacking movie drinking game
  902.   Hacking Shakespeare
  903.   Hacking the Jargon Jungle
  904.   HAL 9000
  905.   HAL 9000 - A Problem in the Making
  906.   HANDSHAKING
  907.   Handshaking protocol
  908.   Hang the Information Highwayman
  909.   Happily Addicted to the Web
  910.   HARD COPY
  911.   Hard to believe...
  912.   Hardcoded
  913.   Hardware
  914.   Hardware Question of the Day
  915.   Hartman's Automotive Laws
  916.   Hatless Atlas
  917.   Have I taught you this poorly, young Jediwebber?
  918.   Have they fixed the supercomputer bug yet?
  919.   Have you ever noticed posters like this?
  920.   Have yourself a Microsoft Christmas
  921.   Hazardous Materials Information Sheet : MEN
  922.   He's a Unix Wizard
  923.   Head
  924.   Heard recently from an IBM field service manager
  925.   Heaven Tech Support
  926.   Heaven's UNIX directory
  927.   Heavier-than-air text editors are impossible
  928.   Heavy Bits
  929.   Helena Kobrin song
  930.   Heller's Myths of Management
  931.   Help Clean Up The Net!!!
  932.   Help desk log
  933.   Help Save 95 -- Contest
  934.   Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
  935.   Here are The Three Laws of Secure Computing (TLSC)
  936.   Here I sit, broken-hearted
  937.   Here lies a Technophobe
  938.   Hexadecimal
  939.   Hey, diddle, diddle
  940.   Hey, look, the UVV is famous!
  941.   HFELISP (Heffer Lisp) HUMAN FACTOR ENGINEERED LISP
  942.   Hi-Tech Communications
  943.   High Price Computer
  944.   HIGH RESOLUTION
  945.   High Tech Communications
  946.   High Tech Computer Sales Jargon
  947.   Higher Source Raises Stakes in Internet Industry
  948.   HIGHER SOURCE RAISES STAKES IN INTERNET INDUSTRY
  949.   Highways like the Internet
  950.   Hill's Commentaries on Murphy's Laws
  951.   Hinds' Laws of Computer Programming
  952.   Hippocratic Oath For Software Engineers
  953.   History of the Internet
  954.   History Of The Net
  955.   History of UNIX
  956.   Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net
  957.   Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net: Episode 1: First Meeting
  958.   HO HUM
  959.   HOME COMPUTER
  960.   Home Page for Nothing'
  961.   Home PC's Rank First in Doing Nothing
  962.   Homework
  963.   Honours Rhapsody
  964.   Horizons In Computer Science Educational Technology
  965.   HORROR MOVIE CHARACTER SURVIVAL TIPS
  966.   House to Downsize Solar System
  967.   House to Downsize Solar System: A Press Release
  968.   HOUSE VOTES FOR EMACS BY NARROW MAJORITY
  969.   How can I learn about IBM computer systems?
  970.   HOW COLD IS IT?
  971.   How DEC Works: (Australian Perspective)
  972.   How do you know that you're spending too much time with your computer?
  973.   How do you measure nuclear warhead yield?
  974.   How does a VLSI designer paint a living room?
  975.   How doth the VAX's C compiler
  976.   How enthusiastic is our support for Unix?
  977.   How God Created the Computer
  978.   How I'll Become an American
  979.   How It Came To Pass...
  980.   How Jerry Pournelle was kicked off the Arapanet
  981.   How many DEC repairman...
  982.   How many Edinburgh District Councillors...
  983.   How many feet do mice have?
  984.   How many flats did they bring?
  985.   How Many Lawyers Does It Take to Change a Light bulb ?
  986.   How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise...
  987.   How many people in TNG does it take to screw a lightbulb?
  988.   How many USENET posters does it take to change a lightbulb?
  989.   How Not to Be an Idiot -- r.h FAQ
  990.   How people break up with each other
  991.   How the Chicken Crossed the Road
  992.   HOW TO ADDRESS A NON SEXIST BUSINESS LETTER
  993.   HOW TO AVOID COMPUTER DEPRESSION
  994.   How To Avoid Trouble
  995.   How to be a Pest by Modem
  996.   How to be Obnoxious on UseNet/NewsGroups
  997.   How to Build an Atom Bomb
  998.   How to Coach in the Computer Biz
  999.   How to Cook a Berkeley Student
  1000.   How to debug a C program.
  1001.   How to find a needle in a haystack...
  1002.   How to get a hacker to bed
  1003.   How to get better service for your computer or printer
  1004.   HOW TO GET BETTER SERVICE ON YOUR MACHINE
  1005.   How to get Embarassed on the Net - Big Time
  1006.   How To Get Service On Your Machine
  1007.   How to hire a sysadmin
  1008.   How to Hire High Tech People
  1009.   How to Identify News Readers
  1010.   How To Install Software-A 12-Step Program
  1011.   How to Make a Fool of Yourself in a Newsgroup
  1012.   How to program in `C' -- addendum
  1013.   How to program in BASIC
  1014.   How to program in C
  1015.   How to read electronics advertising
  1016.   HOW TO SCREW UP AN INTERVIEW
  1017.   How to send junk email and get a response
  1018.   How to Spot a Computer Engineer
  1019.   How to spot a computer science student
  1020.   How To Stay Stressed
  1021.   How to take Notes
  1022.   HOW TO TELL A BUSINESSMAN FROM A BUSINESSWOMAN
  1023.   How to tell that you are a techno-geek
  1024.   How To Win Arguments
  1025.   Howard County Police Voice Mail
  1026.   HP's lab engineers
  1027.   Humor ala Kernighan
  1028.   Husband 1.0
  1029.   I am a C programmer
  1030.   I am a criminal
  1031.   I am sysadmin at my office...
  1032.   I am the very model of a Genius Computational
  1033.   I am the very model of a modern network architect
  1034.   I am the Very Model of a Modern Teenage Cyberpunk
  1035.   I has a little document
  1036.   I haven't lost my mind
  1037.   I heard that people are getting laid off at IBM
  1038.   I know what I want!
  1039.   I never wanted to be a Lumberjack
  1040.   I Shot A Query Into The Net
  1041.   I Still Remember the First Time I Used Windows 95
  1042.   I swear I'm gonna kill SMTP
  1043.   I think that I shall never see
  1044.   I Want a New Bug
  1045.   I Want Your VAX
  1046.   I was a Sysadmin atvatican.va.it
  1047.   I worked at a computer store
  1048.   I'm Dreaming of a Clean System
  1049.   I'm Glad I'm a Man/Woman
  1050.   I'm not a computer person
  1051.   I'm not a sysadmin, but I play one on my Linux box.
  1052.   I'm Typing Backwards for Christmas
  1053.   I've looked in kernel memory
  1054.   I've seen the dark!
  1055.   i1701-D
  1056.   IBM
  1057.   IBM "Press Release"
  1058.   IBM Buys Protestant Episcopal Church
  1059.   IBM Definitions
  1060.   IBM Disk Drives
  1061.   IBM Global Uplink Network Modem
  1062.   IBM had a PL/I
  1063.   IBM Hotline
  1064.   IBM Poster
  1065.   IBM Salesman and Systems Analyst Team
  1066.   IBM salesmen
  1067.   IBM sense of humor
  1068.   IBM VM Joke -- The `Virtual' Printer
  1069.   IBM Zurich announces new chip
  1070.   IBM's Entry Systems Division
  1071.   IBM-salesman joke
  1072.   IBM/VU
  1073.   Icon
  1074.   Idiot's Guide to Windows 95 Ads
  1075.   IE 4.0 Delay Does in San Diego Designers
  1076.   IEFBR14
  1077.   If a Computer Beeps and There is No One
  1078.   If an OS Ran Your Airplane
  1079.   If Architects Had To Work Like Programmers
  1080.   IF BEER WAS LIKE OPERATING SYSTEMS...
  1081.   If Data was Microsoft Compliant
  1082.   If Data were Microsoft Windows compatible?
  1083.   If Dr Seuss wrote for Star Trek...
  1084.   If Dr. Seuss were a Technical Writer
  1085.   If God Was Process Oriented
  1086.   If God Were A Programmer
  1087.   If God were another computer programmer...
  1088.   If HAL were Pentium Based
  1089.   If I Were A Spammer...
  1090.   If IBM ran Christmas...
  1091.   If Internet Companies Provided Cable Service...
  1092.   If it's broke
  1093.   IF MEN GOT PREGNANT
  1094.   If Microsoft Built Cars
  1095.   If Microsoft ran a Bar
  1096.   If MicroSoft were located in the Ozarks
  1097.   If Operating Systems Drove Your Car to the Store
  1098.   If operating systems ran your car
  1099.   If Operating Systems were airlines...
  1100.   If Operating Systems Were Beers...
  1101.   If Operating Systems were Chickens
  1102.   IF OPERATING SYTEMS WERE AIRLINES
  1103.   If OS's were animals
  1104.   If OS's were weapons ...
  1105.   If people bought computers like they bought cars
  1106.   If restaurants functioned like Microsoft
  1107.   If Restaurants Worked Like Microsoft
  1108.   IF SOFTWARE WERE DEVELOPED BY BEER COMPANIES
  1109.   If Various Organizations Made Toasters
  1110.   If you get a phone call from Mars
  1111.   If You Only Had A Brain: The Tech Support Song
  1112.   If you want root, I own your ass
  1113.   Ignorance is bliss? (True story)
  1114.   Ignorant users of the week award
  1115.   Il Internetto
  1116.   Im A Luser
  1117.   IMAGINE
  1118.   Imagine that you are a salesperson for Ikea
  1119.   Imitation is the sincerest form of...
  1120.   Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
  1121.   Impending Homicide
  1122.   IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Empire 2000
  1123.   IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:THE FUTURE OF THE NET
  1124.   IMPORTANT NOTICE
  1125.   IMPORTANT: JPEG virus alert
  1126.   In a Galaxy Far, Far Away...
  1127.   In Defense of 'ed'
  1128.   In Germany they first came for the Communists
  1129.   In honor of Seymour Cray
  1130.   IN THE BEGINNING
  1131.   IN THE BEGINNING - I
  1132.   In the beginning II
  1133.   In the Beginning there was The Computer
  1134.   In the beginning was the DEMO Project
  1135.   In the beginning was the plan
  1136.   IN THE BEGINNING, GOD CREATED HEAVEN AND EARTH...
  1137.